Rough draft podcast - I Got a Second Chance

At the age of 41, I received a second chance and a new perspective on life as the result of a near death experience. On August 8, 2002  I was taken by ambulance to Stanford Hospital where I spent three days on life support,  two weeks in a coma, and several more weeks in hospitals and institutions undergoing therapies to regain my memory and basic functions such as walking, talking, dressing, and feeding myself. Some really smart doctors had told my family I would not live without life support, I would never have brain function but my life today proves they were all wrong. I have recovered from what had been reported to be an irreversible state brought on by multiple organ failure.  To be clear, this all came about as a result of alcoholism.

I did not plan to be an alcoholic it just seemed to happen gradually over the years. I started drinking in high school for fun like all my other friends.  I discovered early on that a couple of beers made my insecurities disappear. In my mind, having a little buzz made me funnier, prettier, a better dancer, singer, friend. A little “liquid courage” and I could be whoever I wanted to be; like a chameleon.  I didn't know alcoholism was a progressive disease.  I didn't know that eventually physically, mentally, and emotionally I would have no choice but to drink. I didn't know that someday I would cross a line that changed everything.

It all started so innocently; I drank for fun, then it was fun but caused problems, and ended with only drinking and problems. Instead of me taking a drink the drink would took me.

For many years my life was pretty good. I “controlled” my drinking. I couldn't stop drinking but why would I want to? I had a great life. Worked hard all week and partied on the weekends. Then things changed. My business was failing, relationships with family and friends were rocky, I didn't go out much anymore and I never could get back to those feelings of ease and comfort I used to have. Alcohol had stopped working. No matter how much I drank those feelings of confidence and belonging would not come back. I couldn't stop but why would I want to?  Eventually alcohol was the only thing that I had left, the only thing that numbed the guilt and remorse I felt for what had become my sad little life. I found temporary comfort in the bottle and the belief that I was just fine all by myself. I didn't need or want anyone’s help or advice.  Besides, I wasn't one of those alcoholics; drinking from a brown bag living under a bridge... I’m fine; leave me alone, I’m fine. I’m fine.

My last drink could have been my last day of my life had I not made a drunken call to my mom in Tahoe. She couldn't tell what I was saying but she heard me say something about blood; she hung up, and called the police. On their way down from Tahoe my parents were in touch with the hospital and told I had died from alcoholism. They were keeping me on life support until my parents could come and say their final goodbyes. My mom told the doctors they were crazy. I couldn't possibly be an alcoholic! That’s how well I hid my disease -not every alcoholic drinks from a brown paper bag or lives under a bridge. You probably have a few alcoholics in your life too.

Much of my miraculous recovery I owe to doctors, nurses, friends, and family who encouraged and prayed for me daily while never giving up hope. The rest I owe to a spiritual experience I clearly remember soon after regaining consciousness. While the details are well defined in my mind, it is difficult to describe to strangers in words however, suffice to say I am a better person today as a result of this significant event. It has reshaped my identity and is the catalyst for many positive changes, aspirations, goals, and achievements in my life.

The months of physical and cognitive rehabilitation were humbling, difficult and often painful. I was inspired and overwhelmed by the kindness of the people, strangers really, who had been so empathetic, caring and nurturing in their thoughts and actions when I was truly helpless. I gained a greater appreciation for virtues like patience, acceptance, asking for and receiving help graciously. Most importantly, I have a deep appreciation of how precious every day is. In exchange for a bottle and a hangover, I have been gifted a second chance at life.